Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
