i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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