Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
