Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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