yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
