so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
