so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
