I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
