you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize