Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i barfeds in our rink
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
