I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
