she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
