i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
