Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
love makes seman taste better
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
