Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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