She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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