Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
love makes seman taste better
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
