Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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