come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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