Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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