insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
