just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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