I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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