when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
