I'm so fucking centered right now
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
