my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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