Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize