This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
