just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Princesses don't give blow jobs
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
