I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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