i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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