Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
