She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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