yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
