Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
