I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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