Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
