I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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