if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You can't special order awesome
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
