I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
