He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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