ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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