Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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