You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
