mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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