Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
