Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
