two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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