Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
