new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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