I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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