what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
