apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
