Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And then the night went full on bisexual.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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