Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
