Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
