Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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