I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
