idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
