At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
