You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
