Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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