Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
