I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
