yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
