i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
