we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
