we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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