Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
