he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The best revenge is premature balding
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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