Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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