she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
