I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i think im in europe. pls send help
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