Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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