just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
